“The main benefit of sessions was that we were able to discuss problems with a third person who was impartial, sensitive and obviously experienced in handling any difficulties that may arise.”

“I wouldn’t hesitate to contact you again or to recommend to others. Thank you for being there and wanting to help”.

“The whole service we received was excellent; I would recommend Relate to anyone experiencing relationship difficulties. It helps to understand why you do things and to adjust your behaviour in a positive way”.

“It was good to talk about things that are very difficult to talk about”.

“I felt empowered by the sessions”.

“The counselling sessions helped me gain some perspective and clarity”.

“The counsellor didn’t take sides but challenged both of us”.

1. Relate, formerly the Marriage Guidance Council was founded in 1938 by the Dr Reverend Herbert Gray
2. Divorce, the falling birth-rate and sexual morality were the major concerns of the organisation as it emerged from the Second World War
3. In 1945 Dr Mace, a founding father of the MGC, estimated that one in six mothers had abandoned the idea of pre-marital chastity
4. Another of the organisation’s founding members was Mary Attenborough, mother to Lord Attenborough and Sir David Attenborough
5. In 1948, a study of 1000 clients found 1 in 4 showed gross ignorance of sex and 1 in 3 wives were sexually unsatisfied
6. In 1952 around 3,000 couples came to us for marriage preparation advice
7. By 1953 we were helping 7943 couples at a growing network of centres around the country
8. In 1967 the NMGC had a 94 per cent awareness rate amongst the general public
9. Marital Sexual Dysfunction Therapy began with Relate in 1976 and was delivered by two therapists, in 1990 it became known as Sex Therapy
10. Monty-python John Cleese gave a book signing for his best seller “Families and how to survive them” at the relate Bookshop, Herbert Gray College in 1985
11. Relate first offered a form of telephone counselling in 1991
12. Today in 2008, relate helps 150,000 people at 600 locations nationwide – family counselling, young persons counselling, parenting support, therapeutic mediation and group workshops for important life-stages

• Affairs – the number one reason for couples seeking relate’s help in 2008
• Dissatisfaction in the bedroom – sex related issues in second place highlighting a serious dissatisfaction in our bedrooms and strong case for sex therapy services
• Work-stress and lack of work-life balance – third most frequent presenting issue underlining the difficulties for families trying to juggle priorities

Relate, the relationship counselling charity, founded 70 years ago by the Dr Reverend Herbert Gray out of concern for family life, has commissioned a survey to highlight the real-life issues that bring couples to Relate in their thousands – on average 150,000 people every year.

Not all Relate clients are married - many are living together or simply going out with each other. Some clients are in same sex couple relationships and some come alone to get over a relationship that has just ended. A growing proportion of relate clients come to see us because they have accepted an inevitable separation and they want to do the best for their children. We also see an increasing number if whole families together, children and young people struggling with their home life and adult couples in sex therapy.

This survey deals only with the adult couples who come to us for relationship counselling – many hope to save their relationship and make ir better so that they can feel healthier, perform better at work and generally improve the quality of their life for themselves and for their wider family. 79% of the clients who come to relate say that the help they have received has strengthened their relationship with their partner, here we reveal what motivates them to pick up the phone or go online to make their first appointment.

Underlying these three major causes of relationship breakdown is the ever-present issue of communication problems experienced by every single couple. One counsellor summed it up by saying, “Communication falls into two camps: we don’t communicate about anything any more, and we just argue about nothing/everything.” Major presenting issues are exacerbated by the couple not being able to talk about what is going on in their lives and leads to relentless rows or the silent treatment impacting on any children they have.

In ranking order the ten most common issues Relate clients face are:

1. Affairs
2. Difficulties in sex life
3. Work-stress and lack of work-life balance
4. Step-families and family change
5. Domestic violence and Abuse
6. Lack of self-esteem
7. Financial difficulties
8. Impact of a new baby
9. Excessive use of internet
10. Depression and mental health conditions

Claire Tyler, Chief Executive of Relate said, “Modern relationships are under a great deal of stress – we hear from couples who are discovering their partner’s affairs via text or email and of couples who are working such long hours that they never see their families. But we are doing everything we can to help people in this position.

Everyone has relationship difficulties at some point in their life. We ensure that people of all ages can access often life-changing counselling and support.”

find out more about our face to face counselling services